| April 13, 2006 it's semi rainy tonight... 12 years ago there was a major rain storm. dam storm took my best friend from me. my cousin was the only relative that i was able to connect with, he was like a little brother to me. i'd like to take this moment to remember him.
July 19, 1990, the beginning of an era of good times, it was on this day that my partner in crime was born. My younger cousin, Vincent, and I were inseparable little villains always up to mischief. We took pride in driving our grandmother crazy and wreaked havoc all over the house; we made a great team him and me. Our grandest con job of all time took place in September of 92, while my mother was at the hospital preparing to give birth to my little brother. With fewer adults in the house we took this opportunity to cause the most chaotic mess as we could before a new member was to be added to our little band of bandits. Vincent attacked the kitchen, spilling and throwing as many items as he could get his hands on. I took up the task of trashing the rest of the house. I ran around the house pulling down curtains, littering the floor with toys, flooding the bathroom and the most memorable task of shoving spoons into the radiators and flushing some down the toilet. This was truly our best scheme ever and best of all we were too young to really get into much trouble. Those were great times, but little did we know this would be our last big heist together.
After our major attack on the house our grandmother was more reluctant to babysitting both of us together at the same time so we saw each other less. Over the next two years we got together only during major family gatherings when there were too many adults around to cause trouble. Our reign of chaos continued to diminish when I started kindergarten, I knew the good times were slowly disappearing but still I refused to believe they were over for good. Then one rainy night in April my fears came true. In the blink of the eye and a car accident my best friend was gone.
This devastating loss hurt me immensely though I never let it show. I was never the same emotionally after that. In one night my whole life and everything I knew came crashing down. I suddenly became very insecure and although I still had the rest of my family and a younger brother, who was supposed to be a bandit with me, I felt very lonely. I loved my cousin very much, he was more than just a relative to me, he was my best friend and no one could ever take his place. I secluded myself from the rest of the world and refused to let anyone else in. I made new friends and life went on, but I was always on alert with each person that came into my life. As the years flew by I met more people and made more friends but I never let anyone get to know me. I lost all trust in people; I was under the influence that if I allowed others to really get close to me then they will somehow leave me behind and I’ll be alone again. Thus I took on other hobbies to keep myself safe from further heartache.
Over the years, to cope with my loneliness, I went out for runs. When I am running, nothing can bother me. I feel like all the troubles that cause my suffering are behind me and can’t catch up to me. It’s not that I am running away from my fears but running gives me a chance to clear out my mind. As I run I listen to the wind flowing into my ears and once in a while I can hear his voice faintly carried away into the air around me, it makes me feel as if he is still always with me. Running, studying, and reading have become my strongest defense mechanisms against the loneliness that he has left me with. I will never forget Vincent, his memory has made me a stronger and more aware person; he’ll always be my best friend!
it's been 12 years... 12 long yrs of keeping this to myself and just letting it force people away. all these years i've lived alone, afraid of letting others into my life and afraid of letting any person get close to being a best friend. i never let anyone know how lonely i've been all these years but it's time for me to move on and live my life. i can't change the past and i can't let it control my future either. i'm going to college in a few months, Andrew is going to grow up and live his life. Good bye old friend i'll never forget you. Thanks for the memories.
RIP Vincent July 19, 1990 - April 13, 1994 |
